Something really terrible happened.
The distressing and traumatic event is over but the memories and reactions are still very present, and now your child is struggling to hold the weight of it all. You want for your child to heal, to be lighter, and to be able to step away from the memories of the traumatic things that happened. All of that leaves you and your child feeling hopeless. You want them to be able to be calm, in the present, and feel joy again. To be themselves again.
You might be wondering if this will ever get better, if they will ever heal, or if they are “stuck” with the trauma forever.
Just what exactly is “trauma”?
Trauma is when something distressing, dangerous, or disturbing happens to a child or in a child’s life. This disturbing event is stored in a specific way in their memory where it can get triggered and activated often leading to mental health symptoms and distress.
And because of the specific ways traumatic events are stored in memory there isn’t what we could call a “time stamp” to let the memory know it happened a long time ago and your child is safe in the present.
Without this “time stamp” when things that happened in the past are triggered in the present it isn’t experienced like a traditional memory (i.e. how something that happened 10 years ago feels “farther away” than something that happened yesterday) it seems as if it is happening, occurring, or being experienced in the here and now.
It is for this reason that children can have significant responses (that they may or may not consciously connect to the trauma) to something that from the outside seems little or small. This can be confusing for both parents and children.
So what kinds of things are considered traumatic?
Well, it can be anything from abuse (physical, emotional, verbal), neglect, an accident, an injury, witnessing a death or injury of someone close to them, a severe weather event, or other events or memories where the child felt they were in danger or witnessed someone else in danger. Even experiences such as bullying, an illness event such as vomiting, or even something that wasn't really dangerous but your child thought was dangerous at the time (like they were home alone when they really weren't) can be stored as a traumatic event in the brain.
Does my child really need therapy for trauma? Won’t it go away on its own with time?
This is an excellent question and one that I get from parents all the time. You want your child to heal and to be free from the pain. You hope that if you just give it more time the memories and reactions will fade. The anger, sadness, and anxiety will lessen and things will be “back to normal”.
With some children this may be true. However, due to the complex ways and the neuroscience behind how our brains process and store traumatic memories and information, we know that the trauma memories can be stored in fragmented unprocessed form that can easily get triggered and activated leading to trauma symptoms. Through specific trauma therapy with a qualified therapist that those memories can be pieced together or “integrated” and filed in the brain where they belong, leading to relief and healing.
Only a trained mental health therapist can assess if your child is struggling with mental health difficulties related to trauma. You may want to seek support if any of the symptoms below impact your child’s ability to do the things they want and need to do. This might mean their friendships are suffering, grades are tanking, have significant fear related traumas or phobias, or always have a negative emotional state. Symptoms can include:
Will therapy for trauma even help? Won’t talking about it make it worse?
It is definitely normal to have these worries for your child’s therapy. They have already been through so much with the trauma, you don’t want them to hurt anymore.
Trauma therapy goes at your child’s pace and is done by a trained therapy with significant experience in trauma and healing. Trauma therapy can include talking, Play Therapy, EMDR, or sand tray. And the latest research and neuroscience tells us that talking about or playing about the trauma is the path for healing - at your child’s pace. When we do this it helps heal the memories and file them in your child’s brain in a way that provides relief.
The good news in all of this is that your child is resilient and they don’t have to struggle alone.
Healing is possible.
Your child can get back to a place where they can think of the trauma and the past without getting triggered, having big angry feelings and panic, or wanting to avoid and shutting down. You can get back to the place where you get to focus on the regular everyday “normal” stressors and troubles, instead of adding all the weight of the past. Where your child can be more connected to themselves and others and can handle and work through their big feelings with confidence.
Through mental health therapy children and teens can intentionally and effectively work through the trauma memories in a way that feels best for them. Therapy is a space for your child to come where someone really “gets them”, meets them at their level, and understands their trauma. For children this might mean engaging in Play Therapy. For teens a safe and confidential space to come to sort everything out, to feel heard and understood, along with some concrete and practical strategies and tools.
What does therapy for my child’s trauma look like?
Trauma therapy for teens and children is incredibly individualized to your child, their level of comfort, and the type of traumatic events. Trauma therapy will always involve giving your child the tools and skills to handle big emotions before starting any work directly on the trauma.
For younger children trauma therapy will likely involve some form of Play Therapy. Learn more about Play Therapy here and why it is both developmentally appropriate and effective for children HERE.
For both younger and older children trauma therapy will involve directly accessing the memories at a pace that feels the most comfortable. Think more like dipping their toe in the water and wading in rather than jumping off the dock. For children and teens it might also look like using a type of therapy called EMDR to help them make sense and sort out some of the difficult memories that may lead to depression in the present.
Parents are also an active part of the process. We will work together to decide the best way for you to become part of the therapy process and you will have a deeper understanding of the impact of the trauma, what tools they are learning for their toolbox, and tools that you as a parent can use to help calm the big emotions.
Start healing from trauma today.
Click the link below to schedule trauma therapy for your child today in the Duluth and Cloquet, MN area. Learn more about Ann HERE!
Other mental health services at Create Wellness Center for Child and Adolescent Therapy
Our Cloquet, Minnesota practice offers therapy services exclusively for children and teens who are struggling with big emotions and difficult life events. In addition to therapy for anxiety, Create Wellness offers mental health counseling for children and teens with anxiety, difficulties with anger, and depression.
We offer other specific types of specialty therapy including Play Therapy, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy.
The distressing and traumatic event is over but the memories and reactions are still very present, and now your child is struggling to hold the weight of it all. You want for your child to heal, to be lighter, and to be able to step away from the memories of the traumatic things that happened. All of that leaves you and your child feeling hopeless. You want them to be able to be calm, in the present, and feel joy again. To be themselves again.
You might be wondering if this will ever get better, if they will ever heal, or if they are “stuck” with the trauma forever.
Just what exactly is “trauma”?
Trauma is when something distressing, dangerous, or disturbing happens to a child or in a child’s life. This disturbing event is stored in a specific way in their memory where it can get triggered and activated often leading to mental health symptoms and distress.
And because of the specific ways traumatic events are stored in memory there isn’t what we could call a “time stamp” to let the memory know it happened a long time ago and your child is safe in the present.
Without this “time stamp” when things that happened in the past are triggered in the present it isn’t experienced like a traditional memory (i.e. how something that happened 10 years ago feels “farther away” than something that happened yesterday) it seems as if it is happening, occurring, or being experienced in the here and now.
It is for this reason that children can have significant responses (that they may or may not consciously connect to the trauma) to something that from the outside seems little or small. This can be confusing for both parents and children.
So what kinds of things are considered traumatic?
Well, it can be anything from abuse (physical, emotional, verbal), neglect, an accident, an injury, witnessing a death or injury of someone close to them, a severe weather event, or other events or memories where the child felt they were in danger or witnessed someone else in danger. Even experiences such as bullying, an illness event such as vomiting, or even something that wasn't really dangerous but your child thought was dangerous at the time (like they were home alone when they really weren't) can be stored as a traumatic event in the brain.
Does my child really need therapy for trauma? Won’t it go away on its own with time?
This is an excellent question and one that I get from parents all the time. You want your child to heal and to be free from the pain. You hope that if you just give it more time the memories and reactions will fade. The anger, sadness, and anxiety will lessen and things will be “back to normal”.
With some children this may be true. However, due to the complex ways and the neuroscience behind how our brains process and store traumatic memories and information, we know that the trauma memories can be stored in fragmented unprocessed form that can easily get triggered and activated leading to trauma symptoms. Through specific trauma therapy with a qualified therapist that those memories can be pieced together or “integrated” and filed in the brain where they belong, leading to relief and healing.
Only a trained mental health therapist can assess if your child is struggling with mental health difficulties related to trauma. You may want to seek support if any of the symptoms below impact your child’s ability to do the things they want and need to do. This might mean their friendships are suffering, grades are tanking, have significant fear related traumas or phobias, or always have a negative emotional state. Symptoms can include:
- Distressing memories of the trauma they can’t get out of their head (which they may or may not talk about)
- Dreams or nightmares related to the trauma or with scary disturbing content or trouble sleeping
- Distress when seeing, thinking, or talking about the trauma or things that remind them of the trauma which can include anxiety, panic attacks, anger, or sadness
- Avoidance of things that remind them as a traumatic event including not wanting to talk about it
- Difficulty with remembering or putting the pieces together of the trauma
- Overall negative mood including irritable, angry, anxious or depressed
- Feeling detached from others or isolating
- Not being interested in things they were before, increased boredom
- Doing things that could hurt them, even though they know they shouldn’t
- Always feeling like they need to “watch out” for dangerous situations
- Exaggerated startle response or are always "jumpy"
- Difficulty with focus and concentration
- Being "checked out" or "zoned out"
Will therapy for trauma even help? Won’t talking about it make it worse?
It is definitely normal to have these worries for your child’s therapy. They have already been through so much with the trauma, you don’t want them to hurt anymore.
Trauma therapy goes at your child’s pace and is done by a trained therapy with significant experience in trauma and healing. Trauma therapy can include talking, Play Therapy, EMDR, or sand tray. And the latest research and neuroscience tells us that talking about or playing about the trauma is the path for healing - at your child’s pace. When we do this it helps heal the memories and file them in your child’s brain in a way that provides relief.
The good news in all of this is that your child is resilient and they don’t have to struggle alone.
Healing is possible.
Your child can get back to a place where they can think of the trauma and the past without getting triggered, having big angry feelings and panic, or wanting to avoid and shutting down. You can get back to the place where you get to focus on the regular everyday “normal” stressors and troubles, instead of adding all the weight of the past. Where your child can be more connected to themselves and others and can handle and work through their big feelings with confidence.
Through mental health therapy children and teens can intentionally and effectively work through the trauma memories in a way that feels best for them. Therapy is a space for your child to come where someone really “gets them”, meets them at their level, and understands their trauma. For children this might mean engaging in Play Therapy. For teens a safe and confidential space to come to sort everything out, to feel heard and understood, along with some concrete and practical strategies and tools.
What does therapy for my child’s trauma look like?
Trauma therapy for teens and children is incredibly individualized to your child, their level of comfort, and the type of traumatic events. Trauma therapy will always involve giving your child the tools and skills to handle big emotions before starting any work directly on the trauma.
For younger children trauma therapy will likely involve some form of Play Therapy. Learn more about Play Therapy here and why it is both developmentally appropriate and effective for children HERE.
For both younger and older children trauma therapy will involve directly accessing the memories at a pace that feels the most comfortable. Think more like dipping their toe in the water and wading in rather than jumping off the dock. For children and teens it might also look like using a type of therapy called EMDR to help them make sense and sort out some of the difficult memories that may lead to depression in the present.
Parents are also an active part of the process. We will work together to decide the best way for you to become part of the therapy process and you will have a deeper understanding of the impact of the trauma, what tools they are learning for their toolbox, and tools that you as a parent can use to help calm the big emotions.
Start healing from trauma today.
Click the link below to schedule trauma therapy for your child today in the Duluth and Cloquet, MN area. Learn more about Ann HERE!
Other mental health services at Create Wellness Center for Child and Adolescent Therapy
Our Cloquet, Minnesota practice offers therapy services exclusively for children and teens who are struggling with big emotions and difficult life events. In addition to therapy for anxiety, Create Wellness offers mental health counseling for children and teens with anxiety, difficulties with anger, and depression.
We offer other specific types of specialty therapy including Play Therapy, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy.
